Frailty, Thy Name Is Woman!
by Kap Hoop
Summary: Basically, Captain Von Trapp and Elizabeth Bennet meet. Will they hit it off? Read to find out!


For centuries, Hamlet, the prince of Denmark, has been examined and studied at great length. Scholars have argued amongst themselves, wondering "was Hamlet _really_ mad?" But regardless of the deterioration of Hamlet's mental stability throughout the tragedy, it seems only a fair statement to say that he was indeed a noble mind who suffered from a terribly corrupt world which was not suitable to his moral nature. Hi ho.

As the play begins, readers discover that Hamlet's father has passed away and not two months after this, his mother and his father's brother marry. Hamlet is, of course, distraught and can hardly fathom his mother's actions. So it goes.

I want to laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over stones on its way. The hills are alive with the sound of music. Haaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaah. To sing like a lark with the wind something-or-other. "Edelweiss, Captain Von Trapp. It's a lovely and fresh plant that grows so abundantly around your extensive grounds. I am, to be sure, rather surprised to find that you don't regularly take in the beauty of such a magnificent property. How must I persuade you to take a stroll about the grounds with me, sir?" she said most matter-of-factly. The Captain only looked at her, taking in her exquisite features, unsure of what to say next. He smiled and shook his head slightly, hoping that she might continue and say the words which he could not. "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy," she retorted. She seemed confident in her response, but left the Captain evidently confused. "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy," she repeated. Again, the Captain said nothing. Defeated and irritated with her master, Elizabeth explained herself. "Captain, it's a novel." "Oh." "Yes," she continued, "but I am more interested in the origin of its title." The Captain wasn't following. "…its title…I fail to understand what you mean, Fraulein..." "If you would give me time to explain," Blurted she, "You might find that you _do_!" The Captain's eyes widened and then narrowed. He was listening intently now. "Okay. Continue." The Fraulein curtseyed. "Thank you. I shall do just that." And she did. "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy comes from an old saying. Poor kids with nothing much better to do used to collect garbage from street gutters. While they went along their merry way, they would sing 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Sailor Rich Man Poor Man Beggarman Thief,'" she concluded with a haughty grin. It was the kind of grin of which Captain Von Trapp would have none. He grimaced. "What ever is the matter, sir?" Elizabeth asked, concernedly. The Captain, still grimacing, turned 'round and walked toward the door. Before he got there, though, he turned back around to look the Fraulein in the eyes. "Sir?" she appeared to be as confused as he was when she first started her lunatic rave. With arms behind his back, Captain Von Trapp took one step closer to Elizabeth and said, "Stop." And that was all he said before leaving the room altogether.

The next morning was usual. The Captain awoke to the sound of birds chirping and sunlight filling every corner of his room. He dressed and went down to breakfast as he always did. When he entered the dining room, however, something was not right. He couldn't figure out what it was that was so off-putting. Until Elizabeth, who was standing with his back to her, turned to face him. She had done this every morning she had been in his employ, but today wasn't so normal as the Captain had first thought. When Elizabeth turned around to greet the Captain, she was a man. DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHHHH.

The Captain screamed. His boots started to shake vehemently. He quivered like the infrastructure of a skyscraper in Japan in the midst of an earthquake. "Captain! What is the matter?" screamed Elizabeth as she ran to him. She cradled his head in her strong hands while he wept. Between sobs he managed to ask Elizabeth what she done to herself. And very nonchalantly she replied, "What you told me to do. Stop. I stopped. Stopped being everything I was and started being everythin' I weren't." She was now stroking the Captain's hair. "I is a MAN now. A compassionate man who loves you very much. I ain't nevah gunn leave yer!" All Captain Von Trapp could do was close his eyes and lay himself down to sleep and pray the Lord his soul to keep. But this didn't work for the Captain, because he wasn't in a movie or a play or a television show. So, he kept right on living, lying in his governess' hairy arms. He would have to stay there for quite some time, so it would seem, as his legs had broken in that moment when they began to vehemently quiver at the sight of ElizaMAN. So. It. Goes.

Hamlet was a noble prince.


End file.
